jessara40k_lj: (Default)
[personal profile] jessara40k_lj
Story: Self-Revelation
Pairing: F/m
Rating: R
Warnings: Consent issues, slavery, and a marriage that isn't actually that much different from slavery, legally speaking. There's also genderplay and a non-binary trans character.
Word Count: Approx 5000 words
Summary: A fairly normal evening brings up two issues Terese neglected to consider.
Feedback: Welcome, but keep the criticism constructive


Note: They're not talking about the Firefly that you might be familiar with, for some description of the differences between our version and theirs look at the previous post.

Kim glanced up from his sketchbook as Terese walked, no stalked, into the room. He put his pencils and sketchbook aside to focus on her, hands trembling. She couldn’t be angry at him; he hadn’t seen her for almost twelve hours. And, even if she had been, he knew that she didn’t get physical when she was angry. She didn’t even say anything cruel to him, nothing that wasn’t connected to how he’d messed up.

“Terese?” He stood up to greet her, brushing his hands down his skirt with a smile. She stilled and visibly calmed herself, taking a deep breath and forcing a smile. She changed direction, moving slowly as she pulled him to her and pushed his veil aside to kiss him.

“Hello Kim. Jasmine was here today then?” She tugged lightly at his veil, the smile on her lips turning closer to real as she stroked his side.

“Yes. And Rafiyah as well.” He’d justified wearing an informal dress to himself because they were both part of Antoinette’s household, and Antoinette and Sarah had both made it clear that Antoinette was going to take Jasmine as her consort fairly soon.

“You enjoy their visit?” She moved slowly to take his veil right off, giving him every chance to protest - and he could almost believe that she would accept it and leave his veil if he asked her to. Almost. But...he didn’t want to say no to Terese, not over this.

“Yes. Jasmine talked about my drawing with me, and Rafiyah asked me to draw some designs for her embroidery.” They’d kept their conversation fairly superficial; it was only the second time they’d met. Terese had arranged for their first meeting after he’d admitted that Dr Walker wanted him to meet women who identified as submissive.

“Good. What about Tonio?” Her voice turned a little sharper, and Kim shivered as he answered the command in it.

“He told Jasmine about my drawing, then he settled down with his crochet. Rafiyah had brought some of her embroidery to work on as well.”

“I see.” Terese sounded happier, and Kim was grateful, even if he wasn’t sure why she’d been unhappy to start with. “Sit down with me.”

She moved to the couch, pulling him with her and sat in the middle, kicking off her shoes. Kim really wanted to kneel at her feet, massage them and maybe her calves too, help ease some of her stress, but instead he sat beside her, leaning into her body while she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He could feel the tension in her body and he wanted to ease it, to help her relax. He nuzzled into her shoulder, and closed his eyes, grateful that her shirt today didn’t have the faint chemical tang she sometimes came home with. He’d planned to offer himself tonight, which was why he’d talked himself into the informal dress - Terese didn’t really like the marks his corset left on his skin, even if she enjoyed undressing him. He didn’t get why she never summoned him or Tonio to her bed, why she always waited for the offer, but he did like it.

“Terese...I thought maybe I could give you a massage later?” He lifted his head from her shoulder, putting a hesitant hand on her knee to hint at what else he was offering. He loved being allowed to kiss Terese’s small, pert breasts and to lick her wet folds, but even if Terese didn’t want that today, even if she was too tired, he could touch her, worship her body, ease the tension in those lithe muscles hidden under her dark amber skin.

“A massage would be good, yes.” She kissed his cheek and placed her free hand over his, moving it up to rest on her thigh. “Dr Boubakeur is always frustrating, especially in the past week or so.”

“Do you wish to talk about it?”

“Not yet. Maybe when Tonio is here.”

He didn’t say anything in answer, just nodded and leaned his head back against her shoulder, smile frozen on his face as he wondered if she would have said the same thing to Tonio if he’d asked about her day when they were alone together. Maybe it was just that she didn’t want to go through it all again for Tonio. He hoped so, this was the first time she’d been willing to talk to him about something that concerned her rather than his little worries.

“Terese. Dinner should be ready in fifteen minutes.” Tonio always moved almost like he was dancing to unheard music and Kim thought that he should wear a skirt of some sort to emphasise that, instead of the loose trousers he seemed to prefer.

“Thank you. Can you sit with us until then?” Terese let go of Kim’s hand, patting the couch on her other side.

“Of course.” Tonio couldn’t cuddle against Terese in quite the same way Kim was, but he still leaned against her as he sat. “Bad day then?”

“Is it that obvious?” There was a rueful laugh in her voice as she spoke. “Yes, I’ve had a bad day. Kim, did I ever tell you about Dr Boubakeur?”

“No Terese, or at least I don’t remember hearing anything about her.” He would have remembered, if only because the woman was clearly involved in Terese’s work.

“He’s an ass. I don’t know if he’s really deluded enough to believe the stories he’s spreading about me, or if he’s just smart enough to know that claiming I get pretty much free choice of projects because I’m a Terenev makes it hard to retaliate against him.”

“Oh.” It was hard to remember that outside of the Scotts men, hormonally driven, irrational men, were expected to be independent and could claim the responsibilites and positions a woman should hold. And this Dr Boubakeur sounded like more evidence that his Family, his former Family, were right about men. “Hard, but not impossible?”

“No, not impossible. I just have to be subtle, and better than anyone else there.” She laughed softly and stroked his hair. “One time I handed a project over to Dr Boubakeur that I knew he wouldn’t be able to handle, because it needed a synthesis with something he’s never studied, and then I stood back and watched him fail. It wasn’t a project I was interested in myself, and when he admitted defeat Dr Lafargue took over - and he was honest enough to acknowledge that he needed to work with Dr Zhang to complete it.

“Anyway, his latest theory is that I shouldn’t be doing anything interesting because now that I have a consort my Family is going to want me to start breeding for them.”

What could Kim say to that? Especially with the hint of bitterness in Terese’s voice. He was selfishly glad that Terese didn’t want children; he knew that if she did it would be his place to raise them, and he simply didn’t like children.

“He just doesn’t understand anything about the Terenevs, does he?”

“No, he doesn’t.” Terese sounded amused by Tonio’s comment, and maybe this time her brighter mood would stick. “So Tonio, did you enjoy Jasmine and Rafiyah’s visit?”

“Oh yes. I knew Jasmine would enjoy talking with Kim about art, and it was nice to have another crafter to work beside. We talked a bit about how crochet patterns could be converted to counted stitchwork and the other way around, while we worked. When she talked about her taste for geometric patterns I suggested that she should see if Kim had any drawings she could adapt. Then we watched the first four episodes of Firefly together. Rafiyah and Kim had radicallly different perspectives on what we saw, and they both raised points that neither I nor Jasmine would have seen.”

“And did you like Firefly, Kim?”

“Yes.” Not enough to watch it by himself, but enough to engage in the overanalysis that Jasmine and Tonio had seemed to delight in. “Mal was a bit arrogant, but Zoe was marvellous, and Inara was so self-possessed and confident, even if no-one seemed to respect her as they should have.”

“Zoe’s the partial gladiator second, isn’t she? And Inara’s the courtesan?”

“Yes. Zoe was so clearly indulgent of her consort, Wash, that she had to be in love with him. And Inara looked like a taller version of you raised to be a consort.” Other Familes did raise women, even women as clearly capable as Inara to be consorts, he knew that. “But I just don’t get why the crew seemed to think so little of her. In the train heist episode the miners acted like she was a member of one of the great Families, but the crew treat her like...I don’t know, an outsider at best, and one they didn’t really think that highly of.”

“Hmm. Well, she is an outsider in a lot of ways.” Terese shrugged as she spoke. “It could be something like the difference in how different Families treat their pleasure slaves. In many ways we functionally adopt ours, or take them as consorts, but...well Tonio can tell you about what he was taught to expect from his owner. Do the Scotts even buy pleasure slaves?”

“No one can tell a Scott woman what to spend her money on, but if she wants a pleasure slave she has to pay for him entirely out of her personal accounts, the same as any other true luxury.” Pleasure slaves were usually kept even more confined than freeborn Scott men were, and almost never left the Scott estate once they had arrived. Not until their owner had to free them and sometimes not even then if she chose to take them as a consort.

“I see.” She glanced over at the clock. “Tonio, when will you need to get back to the kitchen?”

“About now actually.” He stood reluctantly, glancing down with a smile. “Kim, would you mind setting the table?”

“Not at all.” Tonio always asked. He probably knew that he didn’t need to by now, but he still asked, and Kim appreciated that.

****

Terese pushed her plate away from her and smiled at Tonio.

“Thank you, that was delicious.” She was lucky that Tonio enjoyed cooking so much, and she hoped that he would agree to become her consort when she offered once Kim felt secure with her and she’d had him for long enough that taking a second consort wouldn’t insult his Family.

“You’re welcome.” As he spoke Tonio glanced down at his own plate, still almost a third full. “There’s a lemon mousse in the fridge if you want to get it?”

“Not just yet.” Kim hadn’t finished even half of his plate. “I want to wait until after I’ve finished playing with Kim. But I’m having coffee, would either of you like some?”

“Yes please.”

“Please Terese.” They spoke almost simultaneously, and Terese stroked Kim’s cheek as she stood, running her hand through Tonio’s hair as she left the table.

She rinsed her dishes and put them in the dishwasher while the coffee brewed. The stifados hadn’t cooled off in the casserole dish yet, but she transferred it to a freezer proof container anyway, and put the dish in the sink to soak. A small jug of cream and a bowl of sugar joined the cups and coffee jug on a tray and she returned to the table. She poured a cup for herself and for each of her boys, then added cream and sugar to her own coffee and sat back to watch her boys eat. They both ate more gracefully than she did - she wasn’t offensive, even Francis would have corrected her if she’d started to develop such habits, but Tonio and Kim both ate as if it was a performance. Kim ate more slowly and daintily than Tonio did, probably because he did know how to eat through his veil - he’d done that the one time she’d taken her two boys out to a restaurant with her.

“Terese...Jasmine seemed very sure that when Antoinette frees her she’ll become Antoinette’s third consort, and Rafiyah seemed to agree?” Kim sounded as if he wasn’t sure he should be asking about it, but Tonio was looking at her as if he didn’t understand the situation either.

“Yes, that’s been agreed since Antoinette was twenty-seven and Sarah became her consort. I think they were involved when Antoinette took Jasmine home, and Rafiyah didn’t have a problem with her. Antoinette’s more dutiful than I am when it comes to children, and Jasmine’s planning on carrying them.”

“But I thought you weren’t expected to have children.” Kim’s voice was mild, but there was a hint of outrage on his face.

“I’m not. The Terenev is expected to have children, but no one else who stays in the Family is. But it is assumed that anyone who takes an alliance consort will have children if it is possible with that consort. If I had any interest in having children I’d have picked a consort who was at least comfortable with the idea of raising them. I like my privacy too much to give it up for children.” And she liked this little house, just the four bedrooms, one for each of them and one for a guest.

“You knew that I don’t want to raise children even before you took me as your consort?” Kim flushed and bowed his head almost at once, as if he was ashamed of his surprise. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be demanding.”

“You aren’t. You never are. And I didn’t know you didn’t want to raise children, but I knew you weren’t eager the way some of your cousins were, because you didn’t take any of the chances I gave you to talk about children.” Or any of the opportunities his Family had made for her to see how well their men handled children. “I didn’t want to take a consort who would want children when I refuse to have them in my household.” That would be cruel of her, especially since Antoinette and Armand both planned on having children. “And I don’t want consorts who are at war with each other.”

“And Terese wanted to make sure I have enough in my trust fund to fall back on when she frees me. She explained that and what provisions she’d made for me in the event of her death a month after she brought me home.” Tonio didn’t give any more details, and Terese wasn’t going to either. Kim knew about the provisions her will made for him; he didn’t need to know about the provisions she’d made for Tonio, or the plans she had depending on how he reacted when she asked him to become her second consort.

“You...intend to leave us then?” Kim sounded upset by the idea, and almost shocked.

“Kim, you know that it isn’t my decision. I can’t presume that Terese would want me to become her consort. I don’t enjoy cooking for one person, but I won’t be able to stay if she chooses not to keep me as her consort.” Terese realised with a slight shock that Tonio was anxious about explaining this to Kim. She’d told him that she wouldn’t be able to offer to make him her consort until at least a year after she’d taken her first consort and why, but she didn’t know why that made him nervous of Kim. Except...

“We only talked about this once, didn’t we Tonio?” She’d made sure to tell Tonio about any changes she made in her provisions for him, but she had’t wanted to bring up the question of him staying with her before she knew he got on with her first consort.

“Yes, and you didn’t know me well enough to make any personal promises.”

“But I do now. If there’s no significant changes in our circumstances, and we can work out any contract issues, do you want to become my consort when I free you?”

“Yes, please.” Tonio’s response was instant, and he smiled at her and at Kim.

“Contract issues?” Kim had been frowning over that phrase since she said it.

“Yes. It would be bad politics to sign a contract with Tonio that is less restrictive than the one I have with you, but at the same time signing a contract exactly like yours with Tonio would be considered flat out abusive.” The only reason she hadn’t been asked questions about her contract with Kim was that he was of another Family.

“If it would be abusive with me, Terese, why isn’t it abusive with Kim?”

“Are you asking legally, or morally?” Who could blame her if there was a hint of bitterness in her voice? “Legally it’s because Kim is an alliance consort, and I signed the contract requested by his Family, the contract my Family is legally bound to accept. You’re a pleasure slave, and I would be imposing that contract on you.” She had no idea how the Oxensternias got away with the contracts they were said to impose on all their consorts, including the freed pleasure slaves who were the only women who consorted into the Family. “Morally, yes it is. It’s even more abusive than the contract signed three generations ago. But Mother agreed to use the current standard Scott consorting contract, and the first time I saw it was when I signed it. Legally I can command Kim to sign any new consorting contract less restrictive than our first contract, but Family politics limit my choices.”

“Terese...I...what are your choices then?” Kim looked pale and unhappy about something.

“The agreement between our Families says I must use a Scott contract to claim you as my consort. In theory I could just order you to sign a new contract with any terms that pleased me, given how restrictive your current contract is. But practically speaking I should use a historical Scott contract instead, which I can justify by our Family agreement. If I request copies of all three previous consorting contracts between the Scotts and the Terenevs and let the two of you decide which of them you prefer then that should avoid any questions of coercion or abuse.”

“And...you want me to justify our choice when I see a consorting counsellor?” Tonio looked as if he wasn’t entirely sure he could do that, but she couldn’t quite blame him, not when he didn’t know the details of the contracts in question.

“I want both of you to attend and to justify your choices. You’ll both be signing an extremely non-standard contract, so I want you to attend three full sessions together. And one each separately.”

“You...want me to see a consorting counsellor? I don’t understand.” Kim glanced down to his plate, pushing the food about on it.

“Yes. I want you able to explain what you need and want. If you need to talk about it with your therapist then I want you to do that.”

“Yes Terese.” He sounded resigned and accepting at the same time. “When do I need to do that?”

“I’ll let you know two...no, make it three months before I’m ready to free Tonio. I’ll want you both to have your first contract counselling session roughly a month before I free Tonio, and I’d like you to have a signed statement that you have spoken about it with Dr Walker.”

“I understand, Terese.” He glanced up at her and smiled again, but there was something uncertain in his face. “I...are you going to set the same conditions on Tonio?”

“I...hadn’t thought about that. It would help to convince the counsellor that I didn’t force him, and he chose whichever contract you are both comfortable with. Tonio?”

“I’m comfortable with myself and my place in your life. But...one session a week for a month?”

“Make it two months, give whoever time to believe you’re being honest with them.” She knew that therapists sometimes had a hard time accepting honesty when it was offered for some reason.

“Yes Terese.” Tonio glanced down at his plate, empty now, and then over to where Kim was still playing with the food left on his plate. “Kim, do you want to finish that?”

“I’m sorry...but no.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Tonio reached across and slid Kim’s plate on top of his own before standing. “You had plans for this evening?”

“Yes. Terese?” Kim stood, gathering his skirts and watching her.

“Your room or mine?” Terese stood as well, putting her empty cup down and moving towards her consort.

“Mine, please.”

****

Kim lifted his mouth from Terese’s groin when she tugged at his hair. But he stayed bent over her thighs, his hands pale against her dark gold skin, tilting his head back to look up her body, to her face.

“Terese?”

“Sit back up please, I think you’re overdressed.” She pushed herself up with a smile as she spoke, pulling her legs back towards her body for support and he settled back onto his knees, resting his hands on his thighs. He glanced over to the drawer with the key to his chastity belt, then back towards Terese, returning her smile and pushing his hair back out of his face.

“Do you want me to undress for you?” Kim began pulling away reluctantly, one hand skimming up over his bodice to his throat, preparing to put on a show for Terese.

“No, I like unwrapping you myself, you know that.” Terese leaned forward and took hold of his other wrist, pulling him up against her. He laughed, and leaned into her body, his free hand dropping to the bed beside her, lifting his face to hers, lips opening in invitation. She stroked her free hand through his hair and took that invitation, kissing him, tongue tracing the roof of his mouth. She wrapped her arm around his waist, and released his wrist to skim a hand up his arm and along his shoulder to his throat. He shivered in pleasure at how easily she controlled him, eyes falling shut as she began opening his bodice, starting with the button at his throat, and moving downwards.

She kept kissing him as she unfastened all the tiny buttons going up the front of his dress, her mouth moving from his to nibble at his throat, just below his chin, before moving up to kiss along his jawline to his ear. She bit lightly at his earlobe, her hand sliding into his opened dress, over his shift to rest at the bottom of his ribs. She slid her hands up, and turned him to guide the top of his dress back and down off his arms, then smoothed his hair to one side and kissed the nape of his neck, just above the high lace collar of his shift.

“You are so beautiful. I want to keep you, to make you safe and happy. My treasure.”

Keep him! The words thrilled through Kim’s mind as Terese unbuttoned the back of his shift. He wanted that so much, but Tonio had belonged to Terese for longer, and even now he couldn’t quite believe that she’d give Tonio up to keep him if there was a choice. He...didn’t want there to be a choice, he liked Tonio, liked living with the older man, felt safe with him, almost as if Tonio could protect him the way Terese could.

“Up a bit.” She guided him up so she could get his skirts out from under his legs, pulling his dress off over his head, followed by his shift, then she laid him down on his back. He opened his eyes as she came to crouch over him, oil glimmering on her skin pleasure and desire in her dark eyes. She stroked one finger down his jawline, from just behind his ear, to the point of his chin, then down along his windpipe and across his collarbone. She bent down towards him and bit lightly along his other collarbone, making her way towards the base of his throat, where she gentled to kisses and started working down his breastbone, between the padded cups of his bra. She moved down his body, to where his petticoats spread out around his legs and nudged his legs open, hitching his skirts up so she could sit between his legs, running her hands up them, under his petticoats to his hips, pausing when she touched his chastity belt.

“I...lost track of the time while I was drawing.” Kim swallowed and forced himself to smile at Terese as he explained. “The key’s in the top drawer of the bedside cabinet.”

“You...don’t really want to do this, be inside me, do you?” She pulled back, a frown on her lips, looking away from him.

“I want to please you.” He couldn’t bring himself to claim the other. He knew he shouldn’t presume, but he reached out to touch Terese’s arm, stop her turning away from him. He should have taken his chastity shield off after Rafiyah and Jasmine’s visit, not given Terese a reason to pull away from him, shown her that he was too selfish to please her.

“That isn’t what I asked, Kim.” She lay down beside him and pulled him into her arms. “You’ve already pleased me very much, but I want to make you feel good as well. I thought being inside me did that for you.”

“I...that thing between my legs, it doesn’t belong there, and I don’t like thinking about it.” How could being inside her that way make him feel good? He blinked the tears from his eyes, and pressed his face to Terese’s shoulder, trying not to see her disappointment.

“That makes sense. I’m sorry I didn’t think about that. I never want to force you into anything.” She stroked his hair soothingly as she spoke. “Just let me know how I can make you feel good.”

“You’ve never forced me.” Kim looked up, seeing nothing but concern on Terese’s face. “You...always wait for me to make the first move. I...why do you do that?” She had the right to have him whenever she wanted, why would she deny herself?

“Because waiting for you to make the first move is the only way I can be sure that you’re willing. Or I thought it was.” She laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “Now I have to wonder how much you wanted to do, and how much you thought you had to do.”

“I do want to please you. Truly I do.” Kim was near begging, as he should be after displeasing Terese - it didn’t matter how, all he needed to know was that he’d upset her. “I love it that you let me touch you and taste you. I just don’t like focusing on the bits of my body that feel wrong. I’m sorry, I know it isn’t my place to refuse you.”

“And that is why I wait for you to come to me. I don’t have any problems saying no, to you or to Tonio. You’re only proving that you can’t say no to me.” She began stroking his hair as she spoke, and Kim tried to relax. She wasn’t angry, even though she should have been. “I don’t care overmuch about penetrative sex. It feels good, I wouldn’t let you inside me if it didn’t, but I wouldn’t miss it if neither you nor Tonio ever wanted that again.” She laughed again, this time with true humour. “Not that I need to concern myself with that as far as Tonio goes. He loves it when he can get hard enough to penetrate me.”

“He does?” Kim couldn’t understand why he would. And he couldn’t quite believe that Terese would so easily dismiss penetration, not when he’d always been told he had to be able to penetrate his sire. But then...Terese didn’t want children, and she’d always needed fingers, hers or his, to climax when she took him inside her. “I...guess you can always use toys if you’re in the mood for that?” He’d heard of them, that apart from children they could serve in place of men, even if he’d never seen one.

“I’ve got a couple yes. I haven’t needed to use them since Tonio joined my household. Can you tell me what you know would bring you pleasure then?”

“I...when my sister unlocked me...I would shower, and use my fingers...inside.” He couldn’t ask Terese to do something like that for him. But...she’d asked him what he’d done to climax by himself, however indirectly, and that was the only answer he could think to give her. “I love it when you touch me, how you let me stay clothed while I pleasure you, and undress me so slowly.”

“Hmmm. We can find some toys for me to use on you then perhaps?” She pulled away slowly, sitting up as she spoke, and pulling him up to follow her. “I could undress you to about this point, then remove your chastity shield and bend you over and fuck you?”

“You’d do that for me?” He glanced up at her, not even trying to hide how exciting he found the suggestion.

“It won’t exactly be a hardship for me, Kim. I was thinking of a harness, with a vibrator hidden on my end.”

“Oh...that sounds wonderful.” He bit his lower lip and glanced down, he didn’t want to disappoint Terese at all, but she didn’t have anything to use on him now. “I...would you care to allow me to taste you again?”

“No, I’m not in the mood right now.” He glanced up through his lashes to see Terese watching him carefully. This was the first time she’d actually denied him, was it some sort of lesson or demonstration? “I think we should put robes on, and go downstairs to finish off that mousse Tonio made.”

“Maybe not finish it all off. He let me help a bit, and he made a lot. I...will you let me sleep in your bed tonight?”

“Of course. Before I had Tonio sometimes I’d hire someone just for that. Is there anything else you want to ask me?” She pulled away and stood and she spoke, but Kim thought, hoped, her question was sincere.

“You talked about keeping me, are you possessive then?” He accepted the hand she offered to help him up, and she wrapped an arm around his waist as she led him across the room to his wardrobe.

“Yes, I am.” She opened the wardrobe, and pulled out his fullskirted dressing gown as she spoke. “I won’t let you lie with anyone outside of my household, not when you’re mine. And I won’t let you have sex with Tonio unless I know for certain it’s something that both of you want.” She helped him on with the robe, and kissed his cheek. “Pick out the nightdress you want to wear tonight, and you can leave it in my bedroom.”

Notes: Terese has only ever had sex with three people, Kim, Tonio and the professional her mother hired for her eighteenth birthday present. She thinks that the only reason she didn't have to work to arouse the professional is because he was a professional. With that in mind she made three assumptions about Kim.
1) If she lets him initiate sex every time it will only happen when he wants it.
2) The sex acts he suggested their first time together are the ones he enjoys.
3) The reason it's difficult to get, and keep, him hard enough to penetrate her is because he hasn't been trained to get hard at a moment's notice.

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